Spaceman's Hording Actions May Contribute to Banana Shortage - will there be enough bananas for everyone?
by Greg the Peacock - on loan from Peacocks Don't Lay Eggs.
Newsflash: Brace yourself if you love smoothies or banana cream pie. We here on earth may not be the only ones that love bananas. According to recent news reports, grocery shoppers have been finding it increasingly difficult to buy bananas (see Japan Goes Bananas for New Diet - TIME). While the banana shortage was initially thought to be a result of Japan's obsession with the Morning Banana Diet, new evidence points to the possibility that the best earth-grown bananas are being gathered and horded by a little spaceman who loves eating them for fiber and potassium.
A declassified photograph taken with special night-vision photography shows Fred Pinsocket with an incriminating pile of banana peels at his feet. |
The evidence? Words have been discovered in the lyrics of the song "I Love Bananas" by Peter Apel, indicating this spaceman (who calls himself "Fred Pinsocket") "flew down to the earth one day in a blue and silver rocket." The song goes further to say, "He's a very happy dude" and "All day he sings his favorite song about his favorite food." If that's not suspicious enough, probably the strongest evidence appears in words sung by Fred Pinsocket himself, when he admits, "I go bananas for bananas!" and the lines:
Fred eats bananas for breakfast
And he eats bananas for lunch,
But he doesn't eat them one by one,
He eats them by the bunch!
So next time you go shopping for bananas, beware that there is new competition in the form of a short little spaceman named Fred. While the verdict is still out on how this banana crisis will play out in the world banana markets, experts suggest that you'd better eat more banana cream pie and enjoy those smoothies and banana splits while you can afford 'em.
